I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
