I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When are your genitals available?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
