how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
