fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
