dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
