Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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