did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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