K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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