i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
