I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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