I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
