I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
