well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
