in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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