Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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