there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
