I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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