i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
