Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
