I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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