pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He shit in the fireplace
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating