The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
