dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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