im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
