these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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