Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
