i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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