Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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