Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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