It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize