Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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