Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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