now i know why i became what i already was.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
