One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
