I'm going to jail i love you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
