I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
