I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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