Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
