I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
