Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I need water and some morals
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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