dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
