in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
