put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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