I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
