Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
