haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
