I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
