Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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