I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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