You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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