yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
