Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
soo... how was my night?
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