Welp...herpes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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