just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
